149th Chorus

I keep falling in love

with my mother,

I dont want to hurt her

-Of all people to hurt.

Every time I see her

she’s grown older

But her uniform always

amazes me

For its Dutch simplicity

And the Doll she is,

The doll-like way

she stands

Bowlegged in my dreams,

Waiting to serve me.

And I am only an Apache

Smoking Hashi

In old Cabashy

By the Lamp.

 

 

149^th Chorus Analysis

When first reading this poem, readers may be offended and think Kerouac is crazy when he states he is falling in love with his mother. But, the poem is not about Kerouac falling in love with his own mother. The poem actually is about how much Kerouac appreciates and admires her. This is shown when he writes, “I dont want to hurt her/ -Of all people to hurt” (lines 3-4). Kerouac wants to show his appreciation because his mother was always there to support him. He would travel on new adventures but, in the end, returned home to his mother. He is vulnerable because he opens up about his feelings about his mom. Through this poem, Kerouac shares something he truly cares about besides being high, which is how he spent most of his life.

Kerouac emphasizes the importance of his mother throughout the poem. He wants to show how much he truly worries about her. Kerouac’s care for his mother is shown when he writes, “Every time I see her/ she’s grown older” (lines 5-6). This exemplifies Kerouac’s worry about his mother eventually dying and because, he relies on her for so much, he knows her death will force him to become more independent. A key component to take away from this is that life is short and we should not wait to say how we feel to those closest to us. Kerouac does this by showing his true feelings about his mother as she gets older. He knows he could not wait because by then it might be too late.

The poem 149^th Chorus directly connects to the lifestyle of the Beats. This is exemplified when Kerouac writes, “And I am only an Apache/ Smoking Hashi/ In old Cabashy/ By the Lamp” (lines 15-18). Kerouac recognizes he is doing nothing with his life but hanging out and smoking while his mother is a fantastic person. He makes up the word “Cabashy”. It might mean that he is smoking in his car and the lamp he is smoking by is a street lamp. The Beats smoked and experimented with drugs, which is what Kerouac says he is doing in this poem. This shows that Kerouac needed to escape his reality (by getting high or drinking) in order to be happy. Even when talking about his outstanding mother, Kerouac needed to be high or drunk to express his feeling of appreciation. He truly loves and appreciates all his mother has done for him. He knows his mom did not necessarily approve of his lifestyle. But she still cared for him and loved him unconditionally. Through this poem, readers know Kerouac understood this and loved his mother for still accepting him despite his many flaws.